Helping Your Kids Survive Emotionally During The Divorce Process
Divorce creates uncertainty in the lives of children of divorcing parents. It’s not uncommon for children to blame themselves for the problems that occurred in the marriage. They may think that if only they had been a little better or more fun, the marriage would have survived. Because of this and other factors, their self-esteem may plummet during the divorce process. Here are 6 tips for helping your children survive emotionally during your divorce.
Provide an honest, age appropriate, explanation of the divorce
Start by providing your children with an honest explanation as to why you are getting divorced. If possible, have both parents present when explaining the divorce to the children. It is important to get to the point during your explanation and not beat around the bush. When you are finished, tell your kids that you both love them and that you both will continue to care for them. Let them know that they are loved by both parents.
Explain in detail what will happen when you separate
Be prepared to provide detailed explanations on where they will live, who will take them to school, how they will celebrate birthday parties and how the divorce will affect their other activities. Let the children know they are loved and that they will continue to be taken care of by both of you, no matter what.
Listen to your children
Frequently ask your children about their feelings they are experiencing surrounding the divorce and let them know that it’s 0k to have feelings of sadness or anger.
Seek to understand
Children are very good observers. However, they are not always the best interpreters of what they are observing. Ask your child what he or she understands about the divorce and encourage them to express their feelings. Be as emotionally honest as possible when sharing your thoughts as to why the divorce is occurring. This will help them to create a set of healthy beliefs about the divorce that will carry into adulthood.
Do not attack or blame your ex-spouse
It is hurtful and difficult for children to hear one of their parents say bad things about the other parent. It is very important that both parties avoid attacking each other.
Consider the Collaborative Process for your Dissolution
For couples with children, the Collaborative Process will spare your children the hostility that is bred by the adversarial process of traditional litigation. Having a trained Collaborative Process attorney representing each parent will facilitate the Process and held resolve all of the issues that arise when a marriage is ending. Those issues, of course, also include your minor children. The Collaborative Process will enable you and your spouse to structure the ongoing arrangements for care of your children in a way that is suited to protect them and is in their best interests.
